HOW TO BECOME A SUCCESSFUL FEMINIST
“Below are the step by step guide on how become a prolific and celebrated Feminist across all the social media”
1. Check Twitter to see Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie trending. 😳
2. Since CNA has been trending consecutively on Twitter, you quickly watch Chimamanda eccentric Tedx talk videos on feminism & interview on YouTube.
3. Check Google for CNA profile, articles & books on feminism ideology and other White feminists such as Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama and Meghan Harry.
4. Read Chimamanda books like "Dear Ijeawele & We should all be feminists" and other books such as "The Joy of Motherhood" by Buchi Emecheta.
Boom! Sleeping sister have just woken up 😂
5. Go to Social media like; Facebook to write about how "Average Igbo Men" and Men generally oppress & subjugate women.
“A lot of women will applaud the post. 136 reactions. 243 comments. 112 friend requests. 58 shares in one day” 😳
6. Write another vocabulary laden and verbose epistle on how Men objectify Women. How women are victims of rape and how the society and the law is unfair to women. Twist sexual consent concept to suit the taste of your content. Use plenty big big oyinbo to dabaru everything and tag Men scum 😂 😂 😂
“Gbam! Facebook misguided daughters start gbamming again and name calling men. "Men are trash, Men are scum, Men are garbage heaps." .... 256 reactions. 398 comments & still counting. 126 shares in one hour" 😳
7. Rush to edit your profile and put "Unapologetic Feminist. 21st century woman. Sapiosexual. Unconformist.
8. Repeat 4 & 5, then watch how e-daughters & Audio-feminists bash & troll men on your post, while your name ring bell through the media.
"Chai! 😁 Dem never chim chomtin"
9. Rest on Men-trolling, make a post to tell Women to work hard and not depend on Men for anything because Men will take advantage of them, use them, manipulate them and eventually dump them like a used sanitary pad. Tell them to stop licking Men ass and Woman-up. Write further to tell them they are equal to Men and not to take any bullshit from Men or pamper their fragile ego.
“Audio-feminists: Yaaas! Ride on Sis. Crushing the Patriarchy” 😁😀
10. Resume online again to invent words like "Toxic Masculinity" to spit bile about Men, how Men cheat, how unfaithful Men are, how wicked Men are, how Men are oppressors, beasts & rapists, How they mustn't submit to nurse Men ego, How they mustn't tolerate any nonsense from Men.
“Audio-feminists: "We crushing the toxic masculinity Sis”
11. Abuse the Mother, Sisters & generation of whoever counters or disagree with your post. 😁 Unfriend / block whoever tries to abuse you back. Tagged Men "Misogynist" & Women "Pick me Lady / Patriarchy Princess"
12. Quickly make a back up post to encourage Women to cheat back if their husbands / Men cheated, encourage them to get side dicks too, just like Men. Tell them Men don't have two heads, so they should cheat & chest it. Make another sub post to empower Women with Side dicks.
"Audio Feminists: The Messiah has come! live your truth Queen!” 😁
13. Advocate for equality and equal rights using "Wife not Cook," "Women not Slave."... Etc... Write another long epistle on how the society is unfair to Women, how they aren't favoured by the law, how people don't respect them, how they are afterthought.
14. Tell whoever disagree with you they don't know what Feminism is all about. Call them Misogynist, Patriarch, Chauvinist & Macho Mister.
15. Inform Women that marriage isn't an achievement and their Value isn't tied to their Virginity or Vagina.
16. Make another contrary post that Women own their bodies and transactional sex is okay, which implies sleeping with Men to get money is allowed. Nobody should tell an adult what to do with her body. 😳
17. Write series of vocabulary laden remembrance epistle to slut-shame and body-shame fellow Women. Brag about having Msc and being intellectually intelligent enough to be respected.
“Audio-feminists: All hail the intellectual Queen. 👸 I pray not to offend you in my life. Use me and dumb me, I'm your sanitary pad. Drag me to hell, I'm your Tiger Gen. A Queen I stan. I restan. I Pakistan. I Afghanistan”
18. Repeat the cycle year in year out..
“Tick! Tick! Tick! Rings the Time alarm"
“At 37, no man in sight. Go to Social media to blame Men for the Orgasmic Pause” 😭
©® Jamiu Ahmed
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